I posed a question, should parents stay together for the sake of their children? I say no!
As a product of two parents who acted like they hated each other, and probably really do, I strongly believe it is never a good idea to stay together for the sake of your children.
Am I a parent? No. And I already know exactly what you’re thinking, but I can speak from a child’s perspective because I’ve been that child. Honestly, despite what you’ve heard, not every child want to see their parents together, not when they can’t stand each other.
Fact is, when you’re an adult, especially one with children, you seek stability. The kind of stability (financial) you may not be able to produce alone. And I honestly get that. Believe me, I do. But raising your children in an environment where there is hostility and emotional instability creates a child with emotional baggage, hence, resulting in an adult with emotional problems. Your child is doomed from the start.
Kids do not understand the effort parents put out in creating an environment where their needs are met, and perhaps they never will. But what they do understand is when their parents are not happy and when they’re surrounded by tension, regardless if they know what the issues are or not. An emotionally unstable adult finds it difficult to form healthy relationships with people; this includes friendships and/or romantic relationships. In fact, many people never really realize the effects of growing up in an emotionally unhealthy environment until adulthood when they begin to form relationships of their own or even start a family. What we see, we learn. And, it’s pretty difficult to break bad habits you never really knew existed. What is typically the ending result? You pass on those same characteristics to your children. From poor communication skills, impatience, not dealing with your emotions or even expressing them well and the behaviors are once again perpetuated.
Look, no parent is perfect and your kids won’t expect you to be. But what they want and expect is for you to be honest with them, honest with yourself and know when it’s time to walk away from a bad situation. Believe me, they’ll respect you more in the end. If not, most parents will find it difficult reinforcing rules they haven’t practiced themselves. Why would your child listen to you when you haven’t followed the same advise that you dish out.
Most people won’t remember what you said or even what you did but they’ll certainly remember how you made them feel, and this is also true of your children. Truth is, your child wants to see you happy, whether both their parents are together or not. But as the adult, it is up to you to decide on the approach you’ll take in being a great example your child will follow.
*I am not a psychiatrist. I draw from the real life experiences of myself and my colleagues to share with you all. Feel free to comment and share your own thoughts on the topic*
