I came across a tweet recently that critiqued individuals who chose to ghost a love interest instead of having a direct conversation to express their disinterest in continuing the relationship.
Critics of ghosting believe that the act is childish and reflective of someone who is a coward.
As a person who have ghosted and have also had direct conversations with people I was no longer interested in romantically, I’d have to say that ghosting is sometimes necessary.
Although I’ve said the phrase, “no one owes you anything,” a time or two, I do realize that it can seem harsh and insensitive. But let me explain.
A person you’ve just met and gone on one, two or even a few dates with doesn’t owe you a conversation. Usually, there’s no real time and investment in a brief encounter. In fact, I strongly believe it’s healthy to date multiple people until you have a deeper connection with a person and it is expressed that you’d like to date exclusively.
And if you have had a deeper connection or been intimate with someone who you’ve had a brief encounter with, then yes it is common courtesy to have a conversation. This is especially true if you’ve been dating and communicating for an extended period of time even if you’re not in a relationship. It’s important to add though that significance in time is relative to each individual. Making it clear what you’re both looking for early on during the courtship is important to avoid confusion. So yes, being ghosted is insensitive, disrespectful and a waste of that person’s time when you’ve made time and effort for a love interest over the course of weeks, months, and in some cases, years.
But, like I mentioned above, ghosting can be necessary.
I can admit that I have ghosted people to avoid an uncomfortable conversation, or the anticipation that there will be a negative exchange. Whether that was true or not. I’ve also ghosted people because they couldn’t take being rejected.
There are some people, in my experience men, who use the time to convince me otherwise. Why I should give them another chance. Or they’d agree to be friends only to let time pass then attempt to rekindle something I expressed I was no longer interested in having. They did not respect my boundaries. And in part, anticipating that this would like be the result in having those uncomfortable conversations, I’d automatically ghost people.
I have since gotten better in communicating my feelings or cutting off people who didn’t respect my boundaries but Is still believe that ghosting is sometimes necessary. It is also, at times, necessary to protect one’s mental and emotional well-being.
What are your thoughts on ghosting? Have you done it? Why or why not?
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