Gilligan had his island.
Genie had her bottle
And you have the inescapable no-man’s land called the friend zone.
A friend zone is the cage that prevents you from taking your friendship with someone to the level of a romantic relationship. If you are older enough to remember Family Matters, Steve Urkel was the quintessential friend zone character. He’d spend every episode trying to win over Laura proudly saying “I’m wearing you dooowwwwn baby!” His love was unrequited but that didn’t stop him from constantly perusing his love interest.
If you’ve made your interest clear from the beginning and done everything short of writing it in neon lights outside your love interest’s bedroom window, you have been friend zoned.
So how do you know if you’ve been friend zoned?
“So I went on a date….”
Major hint – if someone talks about their other relationships around you or wants you to meet their friends – they don’t like you romantically. When I like a guy, I won’t mention my other dates or other love interests. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea that I’m just living the single life and not interested in him as a partner. I also don’t want to really hear about his other dates. If I’m freely telling you all my dates and love-attempts-gone-great or horribly wrong, I don’t like you romantically.
“You are like a brother to me.”
The lock on your friend zone cage has closed indefinitely. If you mention anything romantic to me and I respond with ‘you are like a brother to me’ just throw in the towel. I’m trying to gently let you down that you aren’t the type of guy I would be in a relationship with and you should move on.
“You should meet my friend ____, you’d like her.”
I’m not trying to hook you up with a friend to play some sort of weird mind game to see if you’ll do it or not. No, I really think you’d work with a friend of mine and not with me. I’m not interested but it doesn’t mean no one else will be. Do NOT under any circumstances respond with “but I want I’m interested in you.” The answer you’ll get may bruise your ego.
Unrequited text messages
You send The ‘you are in the friend zone reply’
I miss you Aww that’s nice
I’m just thinking of you That’s nice. What’s up?
We should go out sometime Oh that’s great! Let me call my friends and we can all go.
I really like you I think you are great too! Such a good friend. (obvious)
Good Morning baby! I’m sleep. OR on my way to work, hit you later
Most importantly if you are always the one texting sweet messages or initiating contact, you are likely in the friend zone.
Striking out
Maybe the mood is right and all is well in the world so you decide to go in for the kiss. And you get that lovely ‘head turn’ so you land on his or her cheek instead of their lips – YOU ARE IN THE FRIEND ZONE. That’s no accident and it wasn’t the ‘wrong time.’ I’ll kiss a new man in the middle of the movie theatre like we are in high school if I really like him. A friend zone man however, gets my cheek and nothing else.
Can you break free from the friend zone? Sure, However, you are likely to ruin your friendship if you keep pushing the issue and the other person is not reciprocating. Do you know how annoying it is for someone to keep express their interest in you when you have no interest in them? Now, I can’t be your friend because every time we hang out you are confessing your love or taking that as a hint that I want you.
Mutual interest is obvious. As an adult, it isn’t something you need to solve a puzzle to figure out. If you are constantly asking “I wonder does he/she like me” the answer is no…for now. Wait until it’s clear and if you are seeing any of the signs above – there’s more fish in the sea as they say.
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